He felt something warm. But somehow, he felt like something was wrong.

Too many things were missing. He couldn’t feel his tail or fins. There was something else where they had been. He could not move them; the sensation was strange, and at the same time familiar. He remembered the warmth of two holding him. But it was gone, he couldn’t feel it anymore. There was something less comforting wrapped around him, and he was laying on something soft. There was no water around him.

Matthew opened his eyes with a very faint jolt, a raspy gasp escaping him. He shivered, dazed, staring with blurry eyes at the ceiling. He looked at it like if it was a work of art, perhaps the strangest thing he ever saw.

He began to tremble, slowly coming to his senses. His only hand curled onto the mattress, below the white sheets over him. All was white around him, yet flashes of red stabbed into his brain, like bullets. He remembered first the red mass that tried to kill him on multiple occasions, horrible and terrifying. But soon, that memory was pushed aside. One that he had tried to repress for a whole year came back, as painful. His hazel eyes began to cry slightly, seeing the same room where he laid bleeding long ago. He painted it in red when he lost his limb, scarred for life in a black storm.

Matthew sobbed, quickly raising his hand from the bed, reaching for the space at his right. There was nothing there, nothing he could move. He fell into a silent shock, seeing indeed no arm, only scars. There was only a remnant, full of red faint marks, caused by sharp rocks.

No… a merfolk.

His breathing began to fasten, troubled. He could only try to cower onto a sitting position, finally paying mind to all the things he saw when he lost his arm. Medical instruments were scattered around him, meds. He was seeing the same things, all he saw after that horrible night.

Tears fell down, his whole frame trembling, his mind trying to focus. He tried to fixate on silver and azure eyes, everything that had happened. He slowly lifted the blankets, feeling lost, a sudden terror settling in his heart. His eyes stared at his legs, now dressed. He could not see any trace of fins on his bare feet; there was no soft dolphin-like skin below his pants. He could clearly feel his legs, even if he felt like shit, beaten.

“I-it c-can’t be-“

It couldn’t have been just a dream. He slowly raised his hand to his head, blanket dropping to his lap, his eyes wide in horror. The fear of it being a delusion came back. He could recall how he dreamed of red eyes and sharp teeth the night after he fell, here in this clinic. He remembered having phantom pains, moments in which he felt like he was living it again, in the nights.

He did not know what had happened. He did not know why he was here. This was Jason’s place, inland. Alon and Iara were gone, and he had no clue where they were.

What… is real anymore?

He could remember words of mockery, condescending stares, words of reassurance. What he saw was said to be only a delusion. But it couldn’t have been a delusion. He remembered clearly their bright eyes, their voices, their touch, all the moments in which they spoke. He recalled vividly the pain of the change, how they lost her, how he shielded him, and how they tried to take her back. The soft flow of air coursing into him, as they brought him to safety… Their hold made him feel safe. They took him away from that horrible place.

All that was clear, but he couldn’t remember reaching the surface. Much like how he couldn’t remember how the sailors saved him after he fell. The water was all around him in both moments. But at their side, he didn’t feel like drowning, not as much. The tides were warm as he fell dormant, not cold and bloody.

Matthew finally let his breath out in a louder sob, holding himself in fear, sitting as small as possible. The thought that it could have been a dream was too horrible, yet possible. He couldn’t think of how the two could have taken him here. They could have been at his side instead, waiting for him to awaken at the shores. It could have been a delusion, again. He could be crazy; only a day could have passed since that storm, even if it felt like a whole year. Their possible loss stabbed him like a knife; they felt too real, too important.

His hand and body quivered numbly, his eyes full of fear. He was so shaken that he barely registered a dog opening the door, after having been pushing with her head stubbornly.

Matthew blinked dazedly, hearing a bark. He slowly looked at his side, sighing as he saw Shamira there. She was propped up on her hind legs, her paws resting on the edge of the bed, her eyes staring worriedly at him. Her tail was swaying slowly while she whined, a parrot hanging onto her fur, also looking up with narrowed little eyes. His hazel eyes took a minute to recognize their concern; they seemed to be questioning what was wrong, having heard him sob. He could only fall silent, his crying receding. His hand trembled as it rose, reaching for her neck. A broken smile grew on his lips, his voice quivering.

“S-she made this. Didn’t she, chum?”

She seemed to raise her head more, allowing him to brush better the craft made of coral. Matthew’s fingers traced it slowly, like if it would vanish. In that long moment, Kalani climbed over Shamira’s head, fast to jump onto the bed and hop towards the pillow. His hazel eyes narrowed, meeting hers. He would call himself crazy in any other moment, but he could kind of discern firmness in her gaze, like if she was trying to affirm she also saw. The dog was eerily calm, attentive.

They can’t be a-

No. They were real. They were.

Matthew snarled and pushed off the blankets, which made Shamira whine and Kalani chirp. He moved, inching closer to stand up, his heart beating with urgency. She knew that he shouldn’t, but he did not seem to remember. He let himself slide off the bed, onto his feet.

“A-ah…!”

His pained cry echoed through the white room, and Shamira was fast to dash in front of him, preventing him from hitting the floor. He panted, holding onto her at his side, slowly looking down to his right ankle. Now he noticed the ugly bruise on it, brought by the fierce pull of a vine. He couldn’t think much of it, however. The door of the room opened suddenly again, rather harshly. He flinched when his uncle stepped in, both tensing as they met eyes. Ethan reacted faster, alarmed to see him on the floor.

“Matthew?!”

Shamira stepped aside when Ethan pulled Matthew upright, careful of his ankle. The brunet outright lost his voice, only able to look down nervously while the worried words flowed, slightly reproving.

“What are you doing standing?!”

“I- I-“

“You are awake, and instead of calling, you try to-“

Ethan halted and Matthew grew more nervous, because another voice echoed into the room, less urgent.

“Oh, he is awake.”

Ethan seemed to want to melt Jason with his glare, letting out a whisper that made Matthew wince, even if it was not loud.

“Of course he is awake, you sightless oaf.” He growled, looking back at Matthew. “And he certainly shouldn’t be standing.”

Matthew huffed when he was lifted back onto the bed, Kalani bouncing with the sudden weight; Ethan easily hauled him onto it, strongly but without harm.

Jason stepped more into the room, his gaze fixing on Matthew; who was anxious under Ethan’s intense stare. Before anyone could say anything, the brunet asked in a slight panic, not bothering to excuse why he was standing.

“W-what year is it?”

Ethan rose an eyebrow, scowling.

“What the hell do you mean by that?” Matthew was fidgeting, nervous to be on the bed, as if wanting to leave. “Don’t you dare stand, hear me? You-“

“Twenty fifteen.” Both looked at Jason, who answered gladly, his gaze intense. “What a strange question to ask after waking up, having been found in the sea…”

Matthew frowned, his heart racing faster. A year had passed indeed, one weight lifted off him. Still, there were many things strangling his mind.

“F-found?” He couldn’t understand that. “W-what happe-?“

Ethan startled him once more, not his calm self, demanding with a strong pat on the bed.

“What happened? I could ask you the same, Matthew.” He pointed at him, making him wince, the next facts true. “You vanished without a word. You had me scared. Everyone said you were dead, but I knew better; you were seeing someone. I sail off, thinking you were kidnapped, and what do I see? You, being dragged by two damn-”

“Merfolk.”

Ethan glared at Jason, hating to be interrupted. But the doctor couldn’t care less, stepping closer to Matthew. Something seemed to cross his hazel eyes, but he quickly averted his gaze, like if he was debating carefully. He did not even look up as he was questioned.

“Matthew, we saw you be taken out of the water by… two strange beings. Tell us what happened. Who were they, what-?”

“Merfolk aren’t real.”

Jason and Ethan blinked, because Matthew suddenly gave them a serious and firm look. He slowly lied back onto the bed, like if he did not want to leave anymore. The doctor spoke again, baffled.

“Matthew, they neared the ship, we saw them. They took you out of the sea; you had strange markings on your skin for a moment. It was-“

“You were tired, having searched for days.” Ethan frowned, seeing Matthew look away angrily, his tone sarcastic. “You couldn’t accept that I had been trapped for days in a reef, that I had accidentally been dragged into the sea. You imagined two merfolk taking me to you when you came across my body on the rocks. It’s only a product of your mind, to give reason to my injuries.”

His hazel eyes were glaring at the window, almost sorrowful; the coastline could be seen in the distance. Ethan’s hand tightened on the edge of the bed, seeing clearly through him. He knew Matthew well, he could tell those arguments were a lie. It was the most well put lie he ever voiced. It was said angrily, depressingly. Those were words he had heard over and over for the past year.

Ethan let the matter go, pondering silently instead, recognizing the look on Matthew’s face. His expression was determined, persistent. He would not speak more of the matter or change his mind. They wouldn’t get anywhere if they questioned him. Jason did not know that, however. He inched closer, his face finally showing confusion and wonder, nervousness.

“We saw, Matthew. They were holding you; they had long tails, fins, and bright eyes. They were exactly what you described when-“

“Well, wouldn’t you know it Jay, seems like my ramblings influenced your mind?”

Matthew now had a little angry smile on his lips, barely feeling bad for how Jason faltered. He would not answer his questions honestly, for many reasons. One, he loved the irony. Two… he would never risk bringing trouble for Alon and Iara. He had promised that no words would leave him regarding their existence. And so, he kept deflecting the assertions rather cynically, not even bothering to hide his amusement.

“You couldn’t have survived the currents, we found you wounded, you were far from the cay and-“

“I was far too when I lost my limb. It seems I’m too lucky to drown. I got stuck in between rocks.”

“For you to survive for so long, that reef should have been secluded and big. The ship could not have neared safely then. How could we have reached you from-?”

Matthew smiled and ruffled Shamira’s fur, who barked happily at his side.

“She would jump anywhere to help me, right, girl? You trained her well.”

“Matthew, I swear there were two merfolk. We saw you with traces of fins on-“

“There was nothing, Jay. There were only rocks. Maybe seaweed; I think some latched on me. You surely confused them for something more amazing.”

“But-”

“Rocks and seaweed.”

Jason was about to get a hold on him, unable to stand the denial any more. But in a second, right before he was going to lay a hand on his shoulder gently, another grasped his wrist. Ethan looked down at him firmly, shaking his head. And so, he surrendered, even a parrot glaring at him. The doctor could only look back nervously while the old sailor dragged him out of the room, his mouth opening and closing, confounded.

Matthew continued to stare through the window, even when the door closed. There was silence at last; the animals were not daring to make a sound. He knew it would not last forever. They would come back and more questions would be asked. He had been here before; he hoped this stay would not be as long. He went through surgery at that time. His ankle only hurt if he moved, and he only had superficial cuts, so he was sure he was safe from that.

Shamira jumped onto the bed and slowly plopped by Matthew, letting a parrot hop onto her before she laid her snout onto his lap. He lowered his hand onto her fur, petting calmly, letting Kalani nudge his fingers. He was too entranced to pay mind to anything. His eyes were fixed on the far coast, ignoring the land that separated him from it. He let out a sad whisper, anxious.

“Guys…”

He couldn’t walk with a broken ankle; he couldn’t leave without eyes following him, or questions being asked. Right now, he was trapped.

The waves were unreachable. And it killed him.