There was another wheezed growl. And again, it was followed by a faint knock and an appeal.

“Please…”

There was no answer, once more. But his intent was clear, he would not get out.

I won’t.

There was no light inside the crypt, not a trace. Yet, if he opened his eyes, he would see clearly. He would see himself. That was why he kept a hand against his face, ignoring every word that echoed softly.

“You have been there for far too long, more than needed. Please, get out. Light can’t hurt you anymore; it’s only dangerous during the change and a few hours after. It’s dark, it’s safe.”

He was not refusing to leave the crypt because he feared the dim light of the room. That was not what scared him. They both knew it.

Nerys was sitting by the stony slab that kept them apart, with a goblet of blood at her side. She had been begging all day, for him to listen to reason. But Bastian kept on refusing to come to terms with reality. He kept on enduring the horrible pain he was feeling. Others would have surrendered to the will of their sire, but he didn’t.

Both vampires sat there, leaning against the slab, close yet distant. One awaited in the outer room, while the other hid in the pitch blackness of the crypt. She would not surrender. It was only a matter of time until he did. With each minute that passed, his breaths would become more laboured, less natural. She could hear how his hands were clenched in pain, clawing the stone.

“You won’t hurt anyone, Bastian. Your pain is unneeded.”

He hated how she was using his own words against him.

“Y-you… You refused to d-drink too.”

She sighed, noticing the bitter tone in his whisper.

“It was-“

“N-nerys, please, let me be.”

He was having trouble thinking, and he really did not want to ponder all the disagreements and arguments they had when one of them was human.

Bastian really thought he had comprehended the duality of their existence. He had believed he grasped the burdens of vampirism, by seeing Nerys suffer. Now he felt the same pain, and he could not understand it.

One thing he knew, however. He could truly see why she had felt so conflicted, so torn. Living under the constant threat of insanity was not easy… at least not for the ones who wished to keep their humanity.

The silence was broken, for his shallow breaths became cries as he struggled to keep himself from falling into madness. Only she was able to keep quiet. She respected that he needed time. There was a lot to spare. This was something she had gone through herself.

Nerys smiled sadly, deciding to try to help Bastian fight his primal thoughts. She started a conversation, for multiple reasons.

“Do you regret it?”

Silence; there was only the echo of a half-choked breath. It took him a while to process her words and understand that they formed a question. He tried to ignore the loud whispers in his mind, to hear his own voice, and hers.

“R-regret what?”

“Coming back, to warn and save me.”

If he had stayed away from the castle, maybe he would not have suffered this fate.

“I-“ He clenched his fangs, for he did not regret his return, nor his interference in those flaming quarters. “I had to. They could have killed you. Y-you are alive, so-“

“You are alive too.” She toyed with her long plait, whispering words he could focus on, instead of the hunger. “We’re the same now. You are still here, even if it is frightening.”

He let out a growled groan, extremely conflicted.

“I know that we… We have discussed these things b-before. I said that the disease did not affect our existence, b-but god, it’s still… I can’t stand it. You went through this.”

It was a horrible curse, indeed. She tried to offer a simpler perspective, one which he had helped her remember some time ago.

“We depend on the life of others; it is sad, yet true. The disease is twisting your body to make you stronger, and the strain must be mended with blood. Still, the hunger you feel does not need to be lethal for the ones that incite it. You could use your newfound strength to aid the humans around you, and allow them to repay the favour.” She looked at the goblet at her side, noting how the blood was beginning to dry up. “Synergy is possible. There is no need for guilt. You told me once that I didn’t hurt anybody… So why would you?”

“I-it’s different. I-“

“It is not. You and I, we shared the same oaths and convictions.”

They both wondered what their relatives would think of them. Even if they had no choice, they still felt like traitors. She frowned, for she heard him laugh faintly, cynically.

“She really should believe we’re both dead…”

“…”

He was not thinking straight, yet he knew immediately that he shouldn’t have said those words, because he sensed how her heart skipped a beat.

“Sorry.”

“It does not matter. It’s the truth.” Her voice grew firm, determined. “What’s important is that you accept your change. You won’t achieve anything by hiding in there. We both know that you will have to come out eventually. Forgive me for saying this, but my sire was not as indulgent as I’m being with you. I had to act, or die.”

“I thought vampires couldn’t die due to starvation… A-are you saying that-?”

“No, you won’t die for hiding and ignoring your thirst like a fool. What I’m saying is that while you have a goblet waiting for you right here, I was not offered the blood I needed at that moment. When I was a fledgling, I had to hunt. I was given nothing. Please, Bastian, get out and listen to me. Unlike me, my bringer was cruel and exacting; if I had not proven my strength as soon as I woke, I would not be here.” She rested a claw onto the slab, leaning to whisper softly. “I won’t pressure you to come to terms with everything, but I need to ask you to feed, as soon as possible. The pain you are enduring now is pointless. You can’t even think clearly. If you drank, you could battle the dark thoughts that torment you.”

There was silence. Still, she would not force him to get out, because she knew how difficult it was. That was why she felt extreme relief after a minute, when the slab moved an inch. With the crypt opened faintly, his voice echoed more clearly.

“H-how much d-do I have to drink?”

“To be healthy?” If he could, he would have paled with the next words. “You must consume all the blood that your veins can hold. Every single drop a human would bleed.”

“I- I-“

“However, not that much is needed for you to stop burning. I’d say you would only have to drink like a pint of beer.”

He was not a heavy drinker, at all. His stomach pleaded and churned with disgust at the same time. Still, he pushed the slab and opened the crypt completely, to then stare at the nearby goblet with a grimace. His eyes were sharpening even more, and he could not hide the longing in his fearful whisper.

“Will it really stop what I’m feeling?”

“I don’t know if the blood in this goblet will do. Each vampire has different needs.” He shivered when she handed him the chalice, with a hopeful glance. “Just drink all you can, please.”

It took him a while to take it from her claw. The hunger made him do it, unbearable. When he grasped the goblet, he did so with fear and urgency. His shaky hands almost dropped it as he neared it to his mouth. He felt desire and repulsion, at once.

He would have kept resisting and hesitating, but the more he stared at the blood, the more his insides twisted. His instincts took over, and he only saw red. She averted her gaze when he began to drink the blood, with little care for manners. Sadly, after a few seconds, he coughed and let the goblet drop. It fell to the ground and painted it red. He drank most of it, but he was not able to finish. Shame settled into his mind, louder than the whispers.

He hugged himself as he kept coughing, trying to ignore all he felt. The blood was both awful and enticing, its fragrant iron taste disturbing. It made him feel alive as it coursed down his throat, and he hated that it was the only thing that managed to soothe the coldness.

She did not reprimand his reaction. With a sigh, she placed a claw on his shoulder, allowing him to try to steady his breathing.

“Will do for now.”

He just nodded weakly, managing a faint profanity between coughs. It was not easy, but she would try to guide him.

——

 

Days passed. He refused to drink much. They did not speak more than necessary either, for he was afraid of his own voice, which was raspy and feral. As well, he stayed in her chambers, afraid of being seen. One night, she heard him cry, when he thought he was alone. He had hidden again in the dark, and had clawed at himself in grief.

The situation was unbearable for both. But she knew she had to be strong, and help him move on. There was no way to revert this fate, and it had to be confronted. He would have to live with it. Both were aware of that fact.

It was their resignation and resolve that led them out of the dark. They walked through dimly lighted corridors, while the moon stood high in the sky. He followed her steps reluctantly, heading towards his old chambers, the ones she had given him before those fools arrived.

He had kept quiet all these days, communicating as much as possible with gestures. His own voice terrified him, but he could not keep down a question any longer.

“How’s Nadiya?”

She looked over her shoulder, surprised to hear him speak. There was fear in his scarred yet sharp gaze.

“She is fine. I told you not to worry.”

She did say that, but he could not help it. He glanced again at his hands and noted how pale his skin was. As well, he could feel how his fangs brushed his lips. There was barely any light around him, yet he could see clearly.

Nadiya hated vampires… He really did not want to go back to his old chambers, for he dreaded seeing his winged friend like this.

Eventually, Nerys halted. Bastian looked up and saw that they reached the door, without him realizing it. She gave him a sad glance, knowing exactly what he was thinking.

“She won’t hate you, Bastian.”

“She hated you.”

“Ah, thank you for your honesty.”

“No, I mean, look at me.” He raised his arms at his sides, with a sad smile. “Although you can be scary, you are still graceful. Meanwhile, I could be mistaken for a corpse. There are scars and wounds all over me, and I know my fangs and nails don’t do me any favours. I really don’t think that-“

“Just get in already…”

She said that with a sigh, with no derision or malice. He was capable of arguing until the sun rose over the castle, and she could not let him. He frowned when she turned to leave, to let him have his privacy, knowing he had fed enough to not go mad.

“I’ll come back in the morning. Try to rest.”

He lost sight of her, for she left to attend the reconstruction of the fortress. Her people needed her. She couldn’t be always by his side, even if she wanted to. The whole castle had been eerily quiet, for all were wounded in some way, emotionally or physically. There was a lot to do.

And I…

He looked again at the door, with an emotionless expression. Past the main chamber, there was a bedroom. Inside it, there was a big bed. A crow had nested for days on it, longingly.

Nadiya had not moved much from the blankets, for she knew that Bastian always came to them for sleep. No matter how much she waited, the only ones she had seen were Nerys and a guard, when they would bring food.

Her human had been gone for more than a week. To make matters worse, there had been a huge rumble, screams. And so, she was worried, afraid.

Once more, her feathers shook, when she heard the door open slightly. She let out an angry croak, sure that it was a vampire who had neared. She was not wrong.

Bastian stood there at the door, his expression one of resigned hurt, for Nadiya bared her wings and beak in anger. She did not realize that it was him, not until she heard him sob faintly. He bowed his head and moved away from her, towards a nearby desk. She had only paid mind to the gleam of his eyes in the shadows, but his voice finally made her recognize him.

He sat on a chair and slumped onto the desk, refusing to say anything. She was quick to flap away from the bed, to land near his frame. Even if she was alarmed and confused, she began to nudge his arm and shoulder.

No matter how much she tried, he did not raise his gaze to acknowledge her. There was a mirror on a wall, near the bed. He saw exactly what she saw, and he could only mourn.

——-

 

“Please, don’t show me more.”

Her claw lowered slightly, causing the blood inside the goblet to ripple.

“You need it. In a few days, you’ll feel-“

“I don’t care.”

Bastian kept on staring at his desk blankly, with little regard for anything. The only thing he did was pet Nadiya, who kept trying to lift his spirits with her presence. Nerys tried to argue, not liking how he had locked himself away for two days.

“Don’t do this to yourself.”

“The choice is mine.”

It was not an easy one. He could smell the blood. Part of him whispered, wordlessly. As well, he also had to fight the urge of obeying the pleas of his sire.

“You need to feed. Last time, you barely took a sip.” She leaned closer, whispering. “When I felt this way, you did everything in your hand to make me sate the hunger. I surrendered then, for you. Don’t you see the hypocrisy?”

“I do, Nerys. Just… don’t make me feed, not now. I might throw up, and the blood would be wasted. Y-you could hold it in, I can’t. I’ve tried.” His gaze finally rose to hers, to beg. “Please, leave me alone. G-give me some space… I need to think.”

She stared at him for a full minute. The sorrow was all too obvious in his eyes, his expression defeated and fearful. There were far too many scratches on the desk. Like her, he had broken a mirror, and he had not bothered to pick up the shards.

Nerys closed her eyes, surrendering to his plea. Bastian said nothing as she walked away. She got out of his chambers, knowing that she could not help him. Only time could heal.