Silence, it was all he could give.

In silence, he waited, parted from the ones that cried. Their laments were as loud as the ones inside him. And yet, in the knowledge and realization of death, he was not able to move. His heart sank deeper, his instinctive hiding casting him into a pit from where he would not be able to escape, no matter how much he could regret falling into it.

For he regretted hiding; he did.

By the time the laments became murmurs… it was almost dawn. It took a while for someone to approach, near him in the darkness. He had not gone too far. Part of him knew how selfish he was to leave. He knew he should have been stronger.

Uriel’s shadow loomed behind him, foretelling what he already knew.

Neither said a word for a while. The angel stayed still, crouching by a dead fireplace. The demon cried silently, noticing his trembling shoulders. The emotions they were feeling were worse than any burning scars or stabs.

But he had to say it; he had to break the silence.

“She’s gone.”

There was no way to lay down the truth and reality gently. It was bound to fall like a heavy casket, its echo loud as thunder.

The next moments felt familiar, even if twisted. When the angel stood up slowly, it was an echo, a reversed vision. Once, the demon had pounced down on him, in a dark clearing; his claws had slammed down on the ground to try to pin him, ending in the same crouching position as he missed. And in that night, after realizing his elusion, he had stood and leaned darkly, to look over his shoulder back at him, with rage. The same motion now, those amber eyes glinting as his did, piercing and judging.

And like in that day, the surrounding shadows obscured the fury, the fast rush. Once, Uriel had latched a claw around his neck in a fast dash, lifting him in his hold to inquire in ire. Now, Alexis did the same; perhaps incapable of making him hang, but able to yank at his collar with a snarl.

And in that resentful approach, Uriel found himself fearing Alexis for once. He instinctively took a step back, his two claws rising as his angel rose a shaky fist. He forced him to lean down and look into his betrayed eyes, his teeth clenched painfully tight; his glare was one of deep hurt, frantic disbelief.

In that night, Uriel had struck him. He had flung him with a claw, sent him to the ground. And now, Alexis wanted to do the same to him; his fist was up, his other hand keeping him close with a firm grip. His growled breaths were cried, but all determined as the tears escaped him.

There was something different, however. Many things perhaps, a lifetime shared. The day they met, Alexis ran, dodged, evaded his attacks for dear life… but now, Uriel welcomed his strike. The demon had relaxed under his hold, his expression serene above his glare; he was giving him a knowing look, his violet eyes apologetic and accepting.

He had the chance, right then, to express his loathing.

But he did not take it. He did not want to. For both shared the same mourning, the same sorrow.

Slowly, the angel lowered his fist, his head bowing painfully. His other hand began to open to release him, but it couldn’t lower. He felt his demon grasp it with his claw, keeping it there, gently.

Both stood inches away from the other, silently, saying things without voicing them.

But with each passing second, each moment of silence, the clarity was all ever stronger. Something was missing, and it would never come back to hold them.

“I thought I would despise you for bringing this back. Everything tainted in this… this horrible sway between joy and grief. I was sure I would regret ever having to feel this again, the suffering that comes after every good moment. It’s torturous, and yet…” Alexis confessed, blaming his own blindness. “I’m thankful. I fucking wish I could go back and tell her that I am grateful; for binding me to all this. I do not regret the pain you both have given me, even if I could have been spared from it if she had just shot me.”

He raised his free hand and stared at its open palm, recalling every second of agony, which only happened due to her initial reluctance to hunt; her caring heart.

“I remember her crossbow, pointed straight at me that day, in my nest. Your lunge, your fiery grip as our eyes met; the chase, and the exhaustion. I felt your claws grasping my wings, my mind contemplating the possibility of never escaping. Soon, both of you stalking around me, pulling, and arguing. Then, after my heart opened to the chance of life here, I saw your misunderstanding, actions that could have taken me away; if not for that monster, who forced me to make you bleed. And because of it, you used her to return the deed. Daggers, sinking deep into my flesh; your insistent thirst for revenge was the only thing that saved me. I felt dead, yet you refused to finish the job or let me fade…” He let out a tired laugh, shaking his head in a haze. “Only for her to come back; she always found a way back. I endured my obsessive secrecy, embraced it.”

“Alexis… I forced you to be silent; I made you feel that way towards her.”

He nodded, once more hearing the penitence in his demon’s voice. But he did not want it either.

“Yes. It hurt; so much, Uriel. Yet I wish I could tell her I would go through it again. Just to keep the good moments. If only she could hear me like you now… I would tell her. She has brought me too much for me to hate life.” He sobbed, frustrated, recalling how cornered he felt. “I just did not want to burden hers.”

But he hurt her, as much as Uriel could have. He knew. Love hurt.

There was only one thing Uriel could say, after coercing him to raise his gaze with a gentle brush of tail. He said it with no doubt, his violet eyes glinting to let him know he could show him, if he wanted him to.

“She is grateful too.”

He did not need him to show him, no blaze sunk into his tormented eyes, that simple heartfelt glance was enough.

And in that knowledge, he wept, wishing he could have told her everything.

————–

 

The night was cold, yet there was no wind. The tall trees towered darkly; their branches loomed above everything. The landscape had a subtle blue tint to it; the moon was hidden behind leaves, somewhere in the starless sky. It could seem that the forest was empty, as no sound could be heard. However, there was someone there; two figures were sitting quietly, with no apparent intentions of standing up.

Neither of the two had spoken a word for a long time; they had lacked the strength to do so. His amber eyes were just looking ahead, staring at the emptiness around them. He was clasping his arms strongly, holding himself in a trance. His face had no emotion, yet she could see the agonizing pain he was keeping inside.

“What… will you do now?”

He had no answer for her. He could not find words. He could not even look at her in the eye. Silence would be the only answer for his own daughter.

The same knowing silence he had always given to her mother. However, it was not one born from fear or dread, but love. He let his actions speak for him, incapable of looking at her eyes, so alike to hers. With a deep breath, he reached for his own neck, and then untangled the necklace he had once made. Carefully, he placed it around the small tombstone at their feet. His feathers glinted in the dim light of the cave, her final resting place.

“I’ll pray to be able to find her, one day.”

She had suspected he would soon roam north again, after seeing him mourn alone. Angelic beliefs would never consider humans capable of ascending to the same afterlife. Both knew. And yet, he still had prayed by her body, hanging onto anything that could give him hope, for a chance of making up for his abandonment.

He smiled as she whispered lovingly, her huge wings tangling around him.

“You will. But… I hope it is a long time until you meet again.”

“It will be.” She cried as he leaned onto her bronze feathers, like if they were his own. “She left me something beautiful to remember her by.”

She may have taken his wings, but gave him new ones to hold.

You will have to wait until I can chase you back, Aya.

After some moments, they both stood, solemnly. With their hands clasped together, they looked down at the tomb, decorated with leaves, stones and branches, the crossbow she once held resting over it. No rain would brush it, as it had never fallen on him when they would roam in this clearing.

Slowly, they looked away, setting their gazes outside. Even if the night was dark, they felt comfort, two figures waiting by a big cabin. Their gazes had been on them, caring, watchful, as always.

The four of them exchanged whispers, with trust, a mutual wound. In that solace, they decided to stay a while longer, like if it was one of those days in which she would show them the forests, guiding them to that blue lake.

A demon and an angel closed their eyes side by side, their hearts still feeling the bond she had led them to. She was gone, yet they still felt she was close, somewhere. Her laugh echoed in their minds, this place the foundation of their life.

Above a cliff, a shadow watched, still as stone as they embraced in their sadness. But there was love there, hopefulness.

They would treasure their shared existence, for she had woven it.