She would always wake hazy.

Slowly, her eyes opened. Her vision was blurry; it took her some moments to distinguish the sun above her. As well, the sound of the soft breeze escaped her at first, as she would wake with a faint ringing, a deafening echo.

However, she smiled; there was again that ache, a faint throbbing in her head, but she did not care. Leaning up on the chair, she would stare at the view; one she always woke up to in the afternoons, after falling asleep by the garden. It was a sight she always treasured.

Her daughters seemed to notice her stirring; Ariel stopped cutting lumber by the gates, while Aurora looked away from the pelts she had been tanning. Each from one side, they began to approach her, with their usual care and attentive watch.

They did not need to stay hours in the garden with those chores, at all. Yet they always did, giving her company when they insisted she basked in the sun. As well, they would always retreat inside and into the same rooms she would roam in the nighttime, making sure to play an harp or read a book she could no longer see clearly.

And again, like every day, as they stood over her, their sharp eyes noticed her faint headache.

“Are you ok, mom?”

“Do you want me to bring you an infusion?”

Ayako shook her head and stood on her own, but did not refuse Aurora’s claw as Ariel offered to fetch her flask.

“I can go myself.” Again, they gave her a look. But one of her laughs stopped them from bossing her as Uriel would. “Hand me my staff.”

They obeyed, not without dislike for her stubbornness. Their sharp blue eyes watched her every step up to the doors. They did not miss how she struggled slightly to push them open. However, they did not rush to help her, as she would always scold their incessant assistance.

She was now perhaps as fragile as glass. But she did not want them to fear her breaking apart.

Inside, she could not feel the sun. And still, she felt warmth. Her free hand brushed the walls as she passed familiar corridors, every room engraved in her mind.

Even with the strange pain in her head, she still had clarity in that. She would never miss a step in her blurred vision. She knew her home like her own hand, because unlike it, it had not changed: still reliable, strong, and supportive.

Today, as she took the same steps towards a living room, she faltered; a little more, slightly more intensely. She felt a gradual decline, which every day seemed less merciful. Her hand let go of a wall, to clasp her forehead. Her eyes shut tightly as she hissed, a sudden sting flowing through her thoughts. Her staff fell from her side as she leaned sideways.

But she would never hit the ground.

A big claw tangled around her frame; huge black nails surrounded her now smaller body. Instead of cutting, they stayed firm as she slumped against them. She did not cower from the fur that brushed her as she deflated with a sigh. The figure welcomed her weight, as it barely felt heavier than a feather.

“My child… it’s getting worse.”

She smiled once more, hearing him whisper with that fatherly care. Slowly, the sting faded, her mind released slightly. Then, she answered, while letting her head lean against his broad chest and long neck.

“Still fine.”

Lykaios did not frown, did not snarl or growl. He gently moved his free claw and held her staff up once more. He let her take it again, knowing she would not let him carry her on his back like they once would do.

“They are in the kitchen.”

His claw let go with that knowing whisper. Ayako thanked the demon with a warm glance as he hid back into the shadows, always close, but never in sight until needed.

As always, she would find them there. The entrancing and homely smell would flow out of that room, someone dear to her spending hours in it, determined to create the best he could offer.

When she opened the door, she saw them again, like every day, their usual routine. Uriel turned instantly from the ovens, a hot tray in his claws.  Meanwhile, Alexis was seated at the table, playing some cards to kill time, his amber eyes moving less than the ones of his demon to look at her.

Before she could even greet them, Uriel was already at her side. In a blink, she was in his grasp, gently ushered forward towards a chair. As well, as she whispered, he had magically procured a blanket from a cabinet nearby, already on her shoulders as she finished her sentence.

“I could myself; your hands are full already.”

“Nothing shall burn under my watch.” He gave her a smile with his eyes closed, his tail brushing her hand fondly. “So enjoy yourself, rest, and soon I will bring you a warm plate.”

“Make it two, I’m starving.”

She still loved to see Alexis call to Uriel with his usual grumpiness. It was never directed at her anymore. The angel gave her a look, and without saying a word, slid some cards to her side of the table, silently inviting her to a match.

She never won anymore, but he knew it would do no good to stop offering.

“I’ll tell you if you hand out poorly.”

“You painted the cards in brighter colours; I see the hearts and pikes clearly.”

“Maybe not the numbers.”

“We said already that there should be no cheating.”

“It’s not cheating, I’ll only prolong the game by warning you if you mistake them.”

He slammed a card down, giving her a frustrated taunting look. She answered with a similar move, sliding a card onto the pile he started. Instead of bickering with words, they did with motions, grabbing spare cards and picking from their hands to slam down. He was glad to see she did not struggle much to read the amounts, as her stubborn focus allowed her to not confuse them like other days. He found his own sassiness useful, a way in which to keep her distracted and attentive.

However, another one had his own tricks.

Both blinked and stopped shuffling cards when Uriel laid down two plates, both steaming with the warmth of the fires he cast.

“Salmon, with some camembert slices.” He bowed to her next, commenting with a resigned sigh. “And yes, potato mush.”

She glared at her plate with frustration, like many other days. Her meals were becoming much more boring with every year, and not because Uriel wanted them to. He had given up on trying to call them mélanges, gallimaufries or even farragoes; because she would call out what her food really was in her eyes.

“Mush, yes…”

As much as he wanted to apologize, he wouldn’t. He turned away with a shake of head, both knowing it was the best for her, her voracious capabilities long gone. She was still capable of biting as ferociously, but not without consequence and regret, at least from her body.

As the demon walked into the huge adjacent storeroom to sort cooking utensils and plates, the angel eyed the table carefully. With one quick glance behind him, he made sure those violet eyes could not spot his next move. Not a move of card, as the game was forgotten.

Ayako blinked, and then frowned; once more, Alexis tried to sneak her some food that she could find more appetizing. It had gotten him scolded many times, only a few things capable of making Uriel yell at him angrily. But he did not care; he faked fumbling with a slice of cheese, and then feigned disgust that it had hit the table, only to move it away from himself with his hand. Right towards her.

Her blue eyes looked up from her unappealing soup. But they did not fix on the cheese, as much as it was much more tempting. She stared at his face, his outstretched hand. His expression was hopeful, caring, and generous. Her vision seemed to blur in the moment, his hand hard to distinguish.

“Take some of mine. I don’t need them.”

She heard him offer. But he had not seemed to open his mouth.

“Alexis, I’m not going to eat your-“

He quickly frowned and raised a finger to his lips, scolding her for talking when Uriel could hear. He really did not want to make a sound and alert the demon of his mischiefs.

Ayako shook her head, a sting pounding in her head as he retracted his hand with a disappointed look. The blur seemed to fade, her sight clearing slightly. Even though she could have sworn there was a glimmer over his hand, there was nothing but a slice of food.

When she let out a groan and leaned away with a grimace, he commented tiredly.

“Maybe you should hit the hay?”

“I have slept a lot already.” She pushed away the ache and glared at him, knowingly. “Maybe you should instead.”

Alexis flinched under her sly glance. Even though she did not have the same sharp vision, she could still notice the blackness around his eyes, sleep not something he had paid much mind to himself.

She heard him murmur, with a surprised tonality, one of perplexed realization.

“You have been keeping an eye on me, all these days?”

“Always.”

That word made him blink in confusion. He did not find the connection between her two last whispers.

“Always?” He looked away, shaking his head. “I know I may have stayed up a little too much lately, but sometimes I can’t help it. You can’t always force me to try to sleep.”

“I can say the same.” There was tiredness in those last words. Alexis bit his lip when she stood, as her frown was one of discomfort. “But I understand your worry.”

Uriel had come back, silent as ever; he was now at her side again, looking down in a disapproving way. There was no anger in his eyes, even though he knew perfectly well what mischiefs the angel had tried to accomplish. He reached for one of her arms, eyeing her untouched food with understanding.

“I’ll help you to your room.”

“Fine.”

Alexis stayed seated there, immobile as Uriel led her to her bed. His hand clenched in impotence, a card torn under the pressure. He closed his eyes and let out a sighed snarl, hating that those headaches would force her to rest.

And they… would never tire like her.

—————–

Their hold was now always there, in the nights. She would never sleep alone anymore.

At first, only a demon. Then, sometimes three. Soon, the angel too. None would leave to their respective rooms once the sun would set. Because she couldn’t.

Her room had soon become the core of their home, the most frequented place, guarded in every single moment. Not even the nights were unsupervised. Her headaches had grown all the more painful, in a matter of months. Any of them would sit by her on her bed, big enough for them to keep watch at her side. Be it by lying down while holding her, or just resting cross-legged at the opposite side, they would keep her company. Many times, one of them would fall asleep before she could, not bothering to cover themselves with any blankets.

She was… trapped in a loving cage. One from which they could not take her out.

No matter how much one still tried to.

She felt something stir, something slid away from the edge of the bed. The figure had sat there for hours, awake. And soon, because of its sudden absence, she felt the claws that held her twitch, the chest on which she rested raising with more aware breaths.

An angel had moved away, out the door, and his demon had noticed. Gently, she was lowered onto the bedsheets, released from his tight embrace. The two shadows were silent as they slid away, but the echoes soon came from the corridor, in pitch blackness.

“…” A pause, both stopping to acknowledge the other’s presence. “You are a fool if you think I would not wake.”

“I knew you would. So I ask you to go back to her.”

She opened her eyes, vision blurry. She stayed still, the echoes of their voices reached her faintly.

“You think I’ll let you?”

“You should. I can offer something less conspicuous than blood, right here on my neck.”

“No.” A sting, his growled angered whisper echoed deep. “You won’t take a single feather.”

Alexis did not seem to cower under such fierce threat, like if it had not been voiced at all.

“She does not have to know. We both know she does not have to.”

“No more secrets, not now.”

“It’s for her own good.”

As Uriel retorted, she woke more, his voice rising slightly again, but still kept down.

“Do not make me drag you to that cellar. I can’t keep watch on both of you at the same time.”

“Keep me locked, at bay…” The angel seemed to surrender, after a long painful silence. “You two always keep my hands tied.”

“For your own good too, and you know it.”

“No… for hers.” A raspy breath, an admission. “My bindings are always for her sake.”

There was no doubt in those words, perhaps there was even pride.

As she sat up with a silent hiss, she heard hurried steps move away outside; an angel was unable to go back and do nothing upon the sight of her pain. The steps did not lead to where he had originally intended, but upwards, towards a latch and the exit to the roof.

On the other hand, a demon returned. His figure seemed to twist in the dim light, her eyes having trouble settling his outlines.

“Uri…?”

He felt as much pain as she did in that moment, seeing her struggle to sit up, her eyes clouded. The worry was there in her icy eyes, a million questions she did not voice.

So he sat at the edge, once more reaching for her. He made her lay down again, whispering lovingly.

“Everything’s fine.”

It wasn’t. She knew it wasn’t, she could tell now.

As Uriel held her close, the ache should have faded. But it didn’t. She could swear she was hearing things, things she had never heard, whispers that she could not pinpoint, all around her.

They were their whispers… but they were not voicing them.

——————-

Everything hurt. Everything.

But nothing as much as her head, her ears, her mind. She could hear things, each day louder, clearer. It was not around her, it did not flow out of their lips, but it had their voices.

“Give him back.”

But he was by him, she could see; she could see them standing together, those claws never reaching with hate.

“I will always be around.” Animosity, not love. “Until you tire of shielding him.”

I am not keeping him away, I’m-

“You are sick.” Alone, a simple coincidental fact; she gasped and twisted, with no one to hold her as she bent in pain over the edge of the bed. “I won’t take him away, if you leave.”

“But I-“ She shook her head, tears overflowing as the voices grew into a cacophony. “I’m not in the way!”

Steps, someone heard her cried yell. A gasp, a worried call.

“Uriel!”

She did not recognize Aurora’s voice, nor Ariel’s shocked snarl. All was a blur around her.

They knew, they knew something was wrong. But only now they would see the extent of it, and the reason.

As she gasped for air with her hand clasped tightly over her racing heart, someone ran into the room. His steps halted sharply, as did the ones that had followed his. Two more blurry figures now stood near, but she could not see clearly.

As one of them yelled in worry, she could only recognize something that glinted around a neck.

“Uriel, she needs them!”

Doubt, the taller figure seemed to falter. His violet eyes appeared aflame with rage, even if they fixed on her with the rawest of fears.

“Fi… Fine! Ariel, some from his forge, now!”

“Aurora, her flasks too!”

A blur again, what seemed a quick reluctant nod and a fast dash. Two lights faded from her view, somehow making her feel all the colder.

The two other blurs advanced, hurriedly. As they did, the voices did not end, but grew louder.

“Fuck.” One of them waved a hand over her eyes, but she barely noticed as they leaned her back. “This is bad, fucking bad. I don’t know if angel feathers are going to do.“

“We need to talk about the angel, Ayako”.

“No, no, she is not dying, Alexis.”

“She looks like it!”

Those two hands released her; the figure moved away to a corner, with it the only glint she could see clearly.

“It would flee… and settle elsewhere.”

“Come back here, I need a hand!”

Her whole body shook; she tried to claw at her own head, but she couldn’t. Once more, that figure neared, beckoned by the other, who seemed to drown all alarm and hesitance. Both their hands were on her, be it on her arms or body.

“We need to keep her down.”

“She keeps jolting; we’ll hurt her at this rate.”

“No, work with me, Alexis. She will hurt herself if we let go.”

“Can’t seem to be able to leave. This sensation…”

She was now on her back again, her eyes shut tight in pain. Their voices seemed less panicked, but still urgent.

“I’ll go fetch a wet cloth in the bathroom, hold on.”

“I really got you stuck.”

A softer reply, untainted by anger, full of trust.

“It’s not your fault.”

Her eyes opened as she let out a loud gasp. The whispers stabbed into her, much more than the pain in her heart. And as she struggled to see… the blurriness faded.

Both Uriel and Alexis froze over her, their amber and violet eyes filling with horror. She seemed to regain some clarity, some recognition in her lost gaze. The whispers stopped for a moment. For a small violet glint crept over her blue eyes, blocking them, the spell he once cast finally getting a hold of her fading mind.

“G-guys, I-” They both trembled, unable to say anything as she whispered with dread. “I’m hearing you cry, say things I’ve never heard. I think… I’m losing my mind.”

No, she was trying to recover it. But she couldn’t, there were only fragments, released in her shattering life.

“Aya…”

She was looking up at them like she could see, but at the same time, there was only blackness. Her next whisper was tired, another flow of violet making her whisper while she lost consciousness slowly.

“Why do I hear you scream?”

They could not answer.

—————

“She does not have much time.”

“Don’t say it, I see it! How the fuck can you be so calm?! How can you say that, after all this time?!”

“I’ve suffered loss before, I’ve seen death. But that does not mean I am not in agony. I need to give her peace, Alexis. We need to be strong for her.”

“That won’t give her peace! You are going to make her last moments…! You can’t hurt her like that!”

“She is already hurting. I’ve hurt her! She is suffering, because of the spell I forced on her. It is tearing her apart.”

“Recalling those memories will do much more harm!”

“She hears them already, even if she can’t understand them.”

“I…” The demon grimaced with pure sorrow as his angel sobbed, pleading. “I saw the pain in her eyes that night, Uriel. I saw her look at her bloody hands. We can’t let her understand.”

A pause, a grieving silence. Both looked into each other’s eyes, both understanding the point of view of the other, but neither able to accept it.

“This is the last chance to let her know. There may be nothing after this. Even if there was, the wait would be almost eternal.”

“It’s been too long. I have kept your secret for far too long. Do not, I beg you.”

It would hurt him more than any possible torture he could have inflicted him when they were enemies. The desolation he had endured for decades would be rendered pointless, his silent grieving a mere delay, not an unbreakable shield. He had refused to surrender his own life to spare her that dismay.

And still, part of him knew that Uriel was right. But he did not want to see it, he could not take it.

After some seconds, his demon grasped his hands for a moment, his tail tangling around his arm. He whispered to him in the dark, all ever regretful and shameful.

“I did promise you I would keep this secret…”

“Keep it. For once, just one. Keep this promise.”

“I… will try.”

His angel gave him a doubtful pained look, trusting, but all ever knowing that promises were always broken.

“She just needs us at her side. Let her pass on with no recollection of those horrible times.”

That first part was true. However, only the angel considered terrible those first moments they shared together.

Two figures listened intently in a nearby corridor, their sharp blue eyes narrowed with awareness. They had heard their mother speak fondly many times, about every single instant by their side. Even if sometimes there were painful moments, she only had love for the whole they formed. They knew that deep inside she cherished what she could not remember.

And still, they understood his pain and fear.

Their argument was unheard by the one they wished to protect. But the one who stood by her sleeping body heard it all. His red eyes closed, pondering why any of them had to endure such suffering. Love was an emotion that he had come to feel, yet he could not grasp how it could bring misery.

A choice could not be made so easily.

—————-

She was not alone.

Her hand tightened around his claw. It was hard to focus when her whole body felt numb, cold. But they were there, around her. She could see the love and care. None of them dared take one single step away as they heard her laboured breaths; not even Alexis, who had been haunted by it. Few angels had to ever see death, not like this.

Much less like this.

The glints were there, even if she was awake, fighting for clarity in what all knew was her last moments, perhaps her last night. It was hard to breathe, no blood or feathers able to sustain something that was made to perish.

“We’re here.”

She could see, even if faintly. Her daughters were sitting nearby, their fangs clenched, their voices unable to rise without breaking. Lykaios was keeping them still against his long mane, his claws offering some resistance to their trembling breaths.

Much closer, the two who had allowed her to have a life of joy and fortune. Alexis was sitting on the ground, back against the edge of the bed. His amber eyes were refusing to look back, but he was keeping himself there even if it hurt. Meanwhile, Uriel was more composed, right by her, the candles around them lighted by his own warm fire. His claws never let go of her hand, not even when she sometimes jolted, hissing in pain.

With every flow of ache and numbness, another blur, one she tried to fight against. But she could not avoid looking at them and see red.

Deep cuts, on Uriel’s side and jaw. Blood, pouring from Alexis’ back. It was an overlapping vision that was not really there at all. The voices kept calling from nowhere, this time more desperate and loud.

“…did this to me!”

“Please don’t, stop! D-don’t c…!”

She could not take it, not if she could not understand it.

“Why…” Alexis shuddered, as did Uriel, her whisper so lost. “I’ve forgotten something.”

Something important, crucial. And there was only one thing that she could rip and hold onto in between all the screams and echoes.

“I’ve seen them.” Her whisper was weak, doubtful, yet all too sure. His amber eyes moved sideways, and met hers; he could see her confusion, her misperception. “When have I ever…?”

“A dream, never.”

Uriel grieved silently as the angel denied, trying to drown her wonder. But she was not listening, not when she could see glimmers, a clear memory.

“Golden, beautiful long broad wings.” They closed their eyes with a grimace, as she hissed next. “Bloody.”

“A nightmare.”

“N-no. I-“ As she cried, his cold insistence seemed to falter. “I hear-“

Waves, pained screams, lament; Uriel’s voice, then silence.

The demon tensed, because she moved with strength that she should have not been able to have. She sat up slightly and grasped his collar, looking into his eyes painfully.

“I hear you, there, by my window.”

What should have been a loving whisper was a bitter growl.

“I need you.”

Uriel looked deep into her eyes. She was trying to speak, but her breaths were failing her. Her hand was losing its grip. Without words, he knew what she was asking, like if he could read her very thoughts.

I remember your smiles, smiles I can’t recall in time.

“Ayako…” His fangs showed as he answered her wonder with another question. “What is worse: bliss in ignorance, or anguish in solace?”

An eternity in hell would be a fair trade for any moment by you two, Uriel.

She knew already what he had done. That night, in her cabin, it was the clearest in her aching mind. She remembered his flaming eyes. She could just not piece it all together; all was scattered, their sorrow and pain had no reason. Yet there was a reason, she knew. She could remember their strange hesitance and evasion, their reclusiveness in their love.

“P-please.” I need to know, remember what you’ve hidden. “Show me.”

Alexis finally turned. His blood ran cold, with the sight of Uriel’s darkened eyes, a contemplative stare into her expecting pleading ones.

“Don’t.”

Aurora and Ariel held their breath, for Uriel looked at him next, slowly, with the most tortured expression he could muster. But as well, the most firm one.

The angel stood, faced them, and tried to stop it.

He couldn’t.

A wheeze escaped him when a violet light pulsed and blinded him. And even though his ambers eyes lost sight of Ayako’s face for two seconds, he knew her expression had changed. Not only because of the fire that crawled into her gaze, but because of the release of many memories she had been trying to free.

Uriel’s eyes were completely engulfed in fire, all the candles dying out as he broke the seal, the curse he had given her. The tears flowed down, both in his eyes and hers. And yet, while he drew blood with the pressure of his own fang, her face was changing from a lost grimace to a calm sorrowful smile.

It was painful, but it was the truth. They were moments she had lived, with them.

The flames faded after a minute, a minute in which the angel just stared, shivering as he saw her cry, both with relief and sorrow. His body shook, because when the violet gleams dissipated, he could see her blue eyes clearly.

Her voice, it reached him, with the most regretful of tones, but as well beholden.

“Alex-“ Her hand clenched around Uriel’s claw, as she whispered with a longing stare, right into his amber eyes. “Forgive me.”

He shook his head, taking a blind step back as Uriel averted his gaze in shame. Under her supplicant gaze, he trembled, a thought he could not voice consuming him.

I can’t. 

He could not forgive her for something he did not blame her for.

But he could not say it.

Their daughters gasped, for he crumbled under her gaze. Uriel let out a tired snarl as Alexis dashed, incapable of watching the regret and pain on her expression. She wheezed much like him as he ran out the door, unable to answer her call.

“W-wait!” Alexis did not answer her, because the remembrance of that night was woven on her face again. His blind strides echoed to her, but she could not chase after him like she once did. She cried, still calling, her breaths troubled. “I forgot you…”

No. She did remember. As she raised her dagger over him, for the final strike, she did remember. And that was one of the thoughts that made him run; she always knew, even when ready to kill him. She always cared; she never welcomed the spell or its supposed mercy.

And in her last moments, both knew how his silence had hurt them. But he did not give her the chance to voice it. He could not admit or consider their pain had been meaningless, not after all they had shared.

That pain was immense… it made her regret not having known before. But she was glad to know. She let her hand down, understanding he would not come back, not until he could silence his own screams in his mind.

Silence, deadly silence. Death was near, but not yet present.

In that silence, she felt Uriel’s hold, closer, warmer. Over her, the same penitent whisper as that night, all the more grieving and remorseful. Still loving.

“I’m sorry, Ayako.”

For her, for him, all; there were no words that would allow him to express his impotence and heartbreak.

But he did not need to. A sob escaped him when he met those calm blue eyes, now peaceful. She was leaning onto his hold, all ever trustful; somehow, after everything he had done. Instead of cursing him, as he thought she should have, she whispered with a loving smile, never looking away from his remorseful eyes.

“Thank you…”

His hold tightened, remaining there at her side all night.

Those were her last words.