She knew she would find him there.

His apprehension was clear to her, even though she could not see his face yet. There was a thick undeniable tension in the air, which she could sense from miles away. For the first time, she felt like a bird of prey; her eyes could see clearly in the dark night, something that she had not paid much mind to before. Her vision was fixed on him, there, ahead of her. Her deep breaths had been stable, but the more she advanced on the tall roof, the more shaky they became.

Alexis did not move or turn to look at her yet. While sitting by the edge, his eyes were fixed downwards. Slowly, a shadow towered over, darkening even more his surroundings. The outlines of two big wings casted in front of him; it was a sight that made his heart beat with an emotion that was both sad and prideful.

He spoke first, not intimidated by her presence.

“It would be better if you sat down, Aurora.”

He knew why she was here. He was here for the same reason. His loved ones never made him feel fear, never. But she was looking down at him like if she could.

Slowly, she sat down, but her eyes never left him. Her expression was grim, but still loving. Her caring eyes glinted in the dark, like two blue ghostly fires. In silence, she looked at him up and down, recognizing well his thoughtful frown.

When one of her claws moved, it did doubtfully. He felt her nails, laid against his back, shakily. She brushed every scar, without needing to see them under his clothes. She could sense them there, and it scared her.

“You never told me why.”

To the very last moment in her life, he had remained silent. He had let her see the hints of the truth alone, through books, and then through Uriel’s and Ayako’s honesty.

Now, he looked away, not wanting to admit his white lies, not to her face.

“I did not want to hurt you.”

“Hurt me…” He winced, hearing her wings fall at her sides, opening with her disbelieving sorrow. “It hurts me more that you’ve kept quiet all this time. You’ve been hurting, and I had no clue for what. You’ve not bothered to tell me what we did to you.”

He was the one to feel anger with those last words. He suddenly grabbed her claw and held it down. While moving it away from his scars, he looked her in the eye, questioning sharply.

“We?”

It was not the fact her claw had been on his old wounds, his expression was one that tried to make that very clear. She visibly shrunk, as his amber eyes were now narrowed. Before, he had been sullen, sorrowful… but with her words, a strange anger took him. His voice became scolding, not only for her.

“Don’t you dare say that pronoun, Aurora. It was an it, a thing, a horrible creature that roamed the night. IT hurt me. IT chased me and stole me from something dear; IT took away my freedom, the life I had known before. It was devilish and vile, it really was. But that thing… no, that thing was not like you. You are a demon; I won’t let you think for a moment that being one means you can be as despicable. I have kept quiet all this time, not because I did not want you to think of yourself as a devil… but because I did not want you to compare yourself to that monster. You should never question what you are; you are perfect in my eyes. All this time, I have kept quiet to make sure you understand your own self, without presumption. What’s more…”

He let go of her wrist. His eyes softened once more, but she did not feel relief. He spoke more slowly, with grief.

“I did not want you to know what we do to you. There is just so much that I wanted to hide. I did not want your childhood to be one of doubt and fear. I am part of a race that vows to end your race; I am an angel. But I am also your father… even if you’re a demon. How could I ever explain such contradicting things to a child? I knew I couldn’t tell you of that history, I feared to break your trust; I wanted to see your happiness for as long as possible. I loved you too much to say what’s true.”

He still loved her. That was why he was now looking at her worried eyes, now so knowing. He had wanted to delay this moment, for so long. He couldn’t postpone it any longer.

“You’re still young, but now you are old enough to seek answers. I want to give them; but I don’t have them. I don’t know anything more than the horrible hate we share, and the pain it has brought. I just know that I don’t want that hate; I love you.”

She shook her head, hurt to hear him say those last three words like if she would not believe them. She was not here to demand excuses for the ages of bloodshed, but to finally understand his pain, no matter its core. All this time, he had shown hate, but not for demons; he despised something else, himself.

“You don’t see yourself as an angel anymore, do you?”

He could not deny that he was confused, lost, and sad. He just did not know anymore.

“Not with you here…”

There were so many confessions in those words. Some regarded his loss, others his existence.

She looked down again, reaching for the necklace on her neck. She brushed the small metallic wing that shined under the moon. It was a beloved heirloom, which she had made with his caring support. Holding it was a gesture she had developed with time, in moments of doubt and sorrow.

His inner conflict was nothing but simple. His past and present would always be woven together; reality could not be denied. He did not want to hurt her, but their differences were nothing but facts. Her birth had shaken all he knew. She was both a blessing and a burden; a curse that wounded him with uncertainty.

And still, as she admitted with a whisper, his heart could not be any more assertive in its adoration.

“I always wondered why you acted unusually, every time I thought about flying.” She remembered his resentful glances, at his own shoulders, each time she would open her wings. “You never tried to teach me; you miss them.”

His eyes closed, tightly. His fists clenched as he contained a sob in his angry words.

“If I cannot dive down to catch you… how can you expect me to push you down to fall?”

He would’ve had to take her to a place that towered, at least five times taller than this manor. In this new home of theirs, there were no high towers, no immense temples that brushed the sky, and no mountains that reached the heavens. If he casted her down for her to open her wings and she failed… he would not be able to save her.

He could not teach her something he had lost. He could not bring himself to tell her of his own blood; because he could not consider himself an angel, not anymore. His own kind wanted the thing he most loved gone.

Aurora felt a sting in her heart when he snarled and held himself with his arms, crying in anger. In instinct, her wings unfolded more. Huge for her age, her long limbs surrounded him easily. Much more feral than the ones of an angel, the fur felt warm and comforting. She covered him, leaning at his side with a mournful stare at the forest below them. Her claws held his hand while he growled in impotence.

“I know you may wonder how we can be related, now that you know about our races. How can we be so different, so opposing… but I don’t know either. I don’t know how a horrible being like me brought such a beautiful thing into existence. I don’t know if I am angel. I wonder if my wings would have held you lovingly, if they were still here. I am supposed to be full of hatred, but I only have care for you and Ariel. I swear I don’t understand it, no matter how proud I am of it.”

Whatever he was, she did not care. He had always been her guardian angel.

Though he was right; she always wondered why she was different. She had looked at her sister and him many times, her wings shivering with unfamiliarity. But it had always been drowned under their care, their affection. Their differences had not mattered. Perhaps his silence had been rightful; it had kept at bay the turmoil of this night.

However, she was glad to finally know. She did not want him to carry that burden alone, not anymore.  She could not care less about those crusades, or what he may have been, how he might have changed. The only thing she was sure of was that she loved him and it hurt to see him like this. And he knew. He knew how much she cared, because it was enough to suppress her own doubts, painfully.

He held her claw, closely. He brushed her wings, dearly. And he let her stay by his side, unmoving.

————

 

It had been a long time since he had given chase to his angel.

Truly, he could not recall the times in which he breathed in the air, to trace his presence in the paths and forests. The scent had become all too familiar for him to pay it this kind of thought, this kind of intent. It had been far too long since he felt the ache in his heart intensify like this. It was truly worrying. It made him feel doubt.

Why he was here, he did not know.

His steps were wary and slow, even though he had given his all in the search. His eyes glinted, eyeing carefully the ruins ahead. Alone, he neared, relieved by the less painful pulse and pull in his chest. It was not dark around him; the forest was still lighted by the setting sun. Yet the moment still felt ominous.

When he entered the small sunken shrine, he found him there, sitting in front of the huge mural. He stepped closer, knowing he was aware of his presence.

“You left without notice.”

Alexis answered, plainly.

“I’m sorry.”

Uriel looked around him with a scowl. Once, this place had unnerved his angel, but now he was the one to feel anxious. Alexis was cross-legged on the ground, it almost looked like he was meditating while looking at the mural.

“What were you even thinking?” Uriel clawed away a big cobweb, approaching Alexis in the shadows. “What are you doing here?”

“I needed to think.”

Uriel glared at him, to then let out his breath in frustration.

“And to think, you need to walk miles away from home? Into an old hole in the ground?”

“Not a simple hole.” Uriel blinked, not used to hear Alexis use such a serious tone. “An old shrine.”

Alexis felt Uriel grasp his arm and pull gently. His tone was kind, but nervous.

“Just come back home, you’ve not been thinking straight.”

Alexis stood, but he did not let Uriel drag him. After moving down his claw, he looked up at him, with an expression that shook Uriel. It was a look of sad desperation, of misery.

“You’re right, Uriel, I can’t think straight. I can’t work, I can’t sleep, I can’t focus; not even feel. I am losing my mind in there.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t.” Alexis turned to look again at the mural, smiling, yet slamming a fist against it. “Ariel is everything you’ve expected her to be. Had she been a human, you’d been as pleased. She is happy; she does not know what an existential crisis is. She can look at you and see herself. She could have looked at Ayako, and have seen her own reflection. But me? What does she see? Nothing. I am nothing like her. Ayako can’t be the cause of this. I am weird as fuck. I am nothing like my own, and Aurora has to pay for it, for some reason. I’m sick of seeing her look at us and realize she feels alienated. Now that she knows everything our races go through, it’s worse. Much worse. She knows everything; everything but what you did to Ayako, and what Ayako did to me. I hate it with all my soul.”

Uriel was tired, very tired.

“Alexis… she is no different from-”

“Then tell her!” He grinned angrily, pointing at the ground, daring him to keep trying to make things simple. “You try telling her, Uriel! Again, and again, we keep telling her! Yet I see her disappointment! We all say we are happy, but things are not made of sunshine and joy. She and I, we may bury our questions inside, because it does not matter…! But it matters. It always creeps back, eating us inside out. Why does she have to be drawn to my blood? Why must she fear angels that looked like me once? Why is she a demon, and why haven’t I changed to become one?”

Uriel had no answer. So he surrendered under his intense glare.

“I don’t know, Alexis.”

The angel let down his hands, sullen.

“Exactly… No one knows.” He turned again, to look at the big mural. His eyes had hope, wonder. There was a fire that burned him, calling. “I have to know.”